Now that all of the heart-shaped candies and flowers have been exchanged, we thought it would be beneficial to reflect on the ideas of attraction, love, and finding mates, post V-day. Interactions with others fall within a spectrum of casual encounters, to legitimate romantic interests, to full-on committed and exclusive relationships. How do you know you are interested in, or with, the right person? Do you ever really know? We are still working through these questions ourselves, but thought it would be valuable to share our thoughts, as well as to hear yours!
The type of human being we prefer reveals the contours of our heart. – Ortega Y Gasset
An overarching theme regarding being intimate with another person is that this cannot effectively be accomplished without first knowing and loving yourself. Societal norms portray the image of living the “American dream” as individuals landing a secure job that brings monetary wealth, followed by finding another person with whom they can share these accomplishments with forever. Despite the promotion of this idea, we all know this is not always the case. Often, people rush into relationships without taking the appropriate measures to get to know, and grow comfortable with, themselves. Before they know it, they have to learn how they function with another person, and how to best make that dynamic work.
We believe that this is where many initial issues arise. In a relationship, the goal should be to complement your mate, and to be partners. You should be a team with the shared goals of supporting each other, making each other feel special, and inspiring feelings of purpose and intention within each other’s lives. You have to give yourself the chance to establish your strengths, your weaknesses, your aspirations, and your passions, before expecting yourself to recognize the kind of person you should be with in order to best balance those traits and interests. A productive and healthy relationship with others, and also with yourself, takes work, dedication, thought, and time. Remain conscious of whether or not you feel as though you can be yourself and express your opinions and ideas. Be proactive in your efforts to protect those values, and to ensure that you do not becoming absorbed within, or dependent upon, the people with whom you are spending time.
After focusing on yourself as an individual, make sure that you also take time to reflect on relationships that have had a heavy presence in your life until this point. Think about how these connections may have shaped who you are, and the types of people that you attract.Think about the relationships of your parents, your siblings, and your friends. Reflect on your own interactions with all of those people.
We all subconsciously gravitate towards situations that feel familiar, even if they are not ideal, or we have told ourselves to avoid these types of exchanges.
Write down the traits that you would like to avoid in your future relationships, as well as the characteristics that you hope to have in these partnerships. Check this list periodically, regardless of your relationship status, to ensure that you have not become desensitized and have not unknowingly found yourself in an unhealthy situation.
Always have feeling respected and appreciated, as a unique individual, as a reminder on your list.
Overall, do not settle. You have complete control over the types of people, and love, you have in your life. Love yourself first. Then, determine the type of person who you could love, and whose love you would want in return. Be patient and true to yourself. There is no time limit on, or specific period, when you can let love and acceptance into your life.
What are some steps, or tips, you can provide to finding a healthy relationship? What mistakes have you found in previous relationships that you are learning from for future ones?
Love and Light,